Setting Powerful Intentions

When I woke up this morning I couldn't have imagined what an inspiring, loving and beautiful day it would be.  Having recently (and finally) come to the conclusion that I need to write,

...like if I don't, my muscles seize up and my thoughts end up trapping me in my own head;
...like if I don't, I just keep finding crap to do to justify the feelings of abandonment and guilt of so much material hitting my consciousness and me not utilising it to set my joy free;
...like if I don't, I cease to shine, my fire goes out and my breathing becomes shallow;
...like if I don't, I stare aimlessly for hours wondering what the hell I'm doing in my world;
...like if I don't, I WILL wake up at 0400 with a head full of magic I'm too lazy to capture

I know my blocking mechanisms and I know I am a sod for the perfect excuse to avoid greatness. I wonder if any of this registers in your world too - I'd love to share your journey with you.

I am setting new intentions to aid my new journey into true, visceral passion.

When I write I'm alive.  It's as simple as that.

When I bring great spirit to matter (creativity to qwerty) things begin to happen; I write 'stuff' that triggers feedback like "wow Chrissy, I literally felt that" and "you should write, y'know like real writing!".

My creativity breaks its bonds and bursts forth like a popped cork and all I have to do is type bloody fast to capture what is appearing in my mind before it evaporates back into the ether. When I write from a place of passion, it's like turning base metal into Gold.

I CAN'T not do this.

Getting back to my point (and not getting lost in your passion Chrissy) - setting powerful intentions. Yesss.

This morning I asked to be guided to what I needed today in relation to my desire to write and here I'll have to name check two amazing women.  First was Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) who's website answered a very specific question I had asked about publishing last week; thanks Liz you rock.

The second, a lioness called Misty Pittman who writes with sexy passion and so much love I could burst and who (I suspect) writes via the portal of the great prima materia. Both have inspired me and both have brought me into a creative and powerful space as I find my way, feeling more supported, through the myriad opportunities available to me.  Thank you ladies.

My intentions were powerful because I cast them and let them go.  I didn't haul them back in and micro manage them to death through the human state of conditional acceptance; I just trusted that whatever powerful force guides me is absolutely trustworthy and very diligent indeed.

The next amazing surprise of my day came while revamping my blog. I found the 'stats' button (reluctant technophile - I know, oh the parody!) and was stunned to see that my blog has been viewed more than 500 times, in the UK and the USA.  In my world this is way more than I'd ever expected and, from me to you all - Thank You so very much.  You've all made my day and I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Loveliness abounds as I sit in my writing corner, facing my fledgling library and sipping on Merlot.

With Love
Chrissy xx

A Mother's Battle

UK troops hand over Camp Bastion to Afghan forces, ending 13-year campaign

Defence secretary says mistakes were made in Afghanistan, where 453 British soldiers lost their lives fighting the Taliban.

I wrote this poem after I learned of the story of a Mother who fought the MOD for the right to fly into Camp Bastion before the hand over to kneel at the spot where her son lost his life.  She won, despite her deep loss.

Who was with you, my boy

When you drew your last breath

When you closed your eyes

To see no more

Who told you it’s ok

You are loved

You are safe

I’m here now, you can let go

Let go of life

Of hopes, dreams, plans and seeds

All dead now; in a box with your heart

All dead now; in a box with my heart

And what of me

As I rage and scream

The futility of sacrifice

Willingly given

By you, dear heart

What of me?

PR Agent!!

“Well, I think I’m in trigger actually." I answer, as I arrive at a CPD practice workshop.  "Other than that, I’m ok and not aware I’m bringing much material to work with.”  The other members of the group help me explore this sudden 'trigger' response and I explain that upon turning into Wiggington Road this morning, a part of me appears to have very much ‘disappeared’.

 

“You see, I used to live here, on this street, as a very young girl and I think a part of me just slipped out to explore (gestures with Left arm) over there somewhere.”  I pat my pockets, delve through my handbag and look down my T-shirt.  “Nope!  She’s definitely not here.  My mini-me is probably playing, wilfully and without permission, under a Chestnut tree, as she always did!”

Because I’d travelled with a friend, I had no idea of the venue address so arriving on that particular street was obviously a bit of a shock. 

“Mini-me’ll be back when she’s re-oriented.” I reassure the group.

My conscious awareness of what some term ‘soul loss’ was palpable; It left me feeling dazed and literally out of body; or a part of me out of body.  It’s like the feeling where you know that even though you are sitting in the right room with the right people at the right time, you just aren’t fully there.

Soul loss is something I became aware of around ‘06/’07 and it made too much sense to reject out of hand because I couldn’t scientifically explain it.  Since then I’ve worked with and explored the whole concept of soul loss, retrieval and re-contracting and come to understand it more deeply BUT, to be fully awake and present in the moment, right at the point that a ‘known’ part of me went walkabout was new.  This was a first because I knew exactly which bit was missing.

So what is soul loss?  It might be easier if I swap ‘soul’ for ‘energy’.

Sudden energy loss can be caused by lots of things; shock, loss, unseen fatigue, fear, denial etc.  It’s like the feeling you’ve been winded and you need a moment to right yourself and regain your balance.  Because you exist in your energy, when it leaks or disappears, a part of you does too.  Each time we interact with another, we exchange energy.  Depending on the structure of our relationship (independent, co-dependent, inter-dependent) we can exchange a little or a lot of our personal energy.  For instance, if we seek the approval of another we give away our energy in exchange for that approval.  If we (knowingly or unknowingly) get involved in the drama of another, making it our drama, we give away our own energy to fuel that insurgence.  This is every day soul/energy loss and something to manage if you are wishing to possess all of yourself.

Was I so aware of this escaping child because of the inner child work I have done these many years?  By consciously re-connecting with and bringing my little self to life, she now walks this life with me.  She is an important aspect of my holistic self and cannot die and fall away like an old scab revealing new skin beneath it, to be admired and approved of by the great and the good. 

This girl is not to be tamed and, in admiration of all she witnessed and endured, I love that she kept her wicked sense of humour which pays no respect to the common boundaries held within what the grownups call ‘best behaviour please’.  I love that she plays with worms, climbs trees (and gets caught by the rozzers!) and prefers to be scruffy and grubby.  She breaks my limiting beliefs as an adult and pushes me further than I might ordinarily go in my ‘old fart’ stance!  She flies in the face of adversity and uses her sharp wit and inventive mind to extricate herself from life’s trip hazards (she also turns and sticks her tongue out as she’s walking away which lacks grace but probably feels good!).  And, I’m the only person she fully, implicitly trusts.

She exists on her own terms and is not here to please others.  She cares not that she bucks the system because she only sees truth.  As the adult, I help her translate that truth from a sticky-out tongue into meaningful words which not only convey her message but land where they might otherwise not have done.  As an aspect of me, I’m her PR Agent!

With Love

29.09.14