Tuesday 16 December 2014

Moving to a New Library!

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for continuing to read my ebb and flow and thank you to Icara for setting me free as a passionate writer.

I am moving my writing to a new blog and if you'd like to, please feel free to follow me to my new library, a warm inviting place with a comfy chair, wisdom and a listening ear. I've even figured out how to allow comments to be made by you and all comments are welcome.

New location: http://heart-full-of-words.blogspot.co.uk/

See you there!
Loving regards
Chrissy x

Saturday 15 November 2014

Shades of Gold and Red

Greetings Readers!

Warm and cosy wishes to you all as we (in the Northern Hemisphere) step deeper into what is proving to be a beautiful Autumn.  

Shades of Gold

Now, I know it's not emblazoned in shades of Autumn Gold but, I met this tree around the corner and I feel duty bound to introduce this tree to the world!

Can you see the bottom branches? I have to reach up to touch them - big tree!


Pointing my camera upwards and no treetop in sight.

The energy coming off this tree is a little bit awesome. I'm strangely respectful of giving it room to breathe. Not assuming I am a welcome guest. Have you ever met a tree like this?  I would love to read your story and this is my first invitation to you.  Please feel free to leave me shared stories, comments or feedback in the comments box; I look forward to meeting you and if it feels good to click the 'follow' button then you're very welcome.

....And for those of you yearning for Gold.......


Clumber Park - Autumn


Shades of Red

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

This week has been a strange old week. How has it been for you?

Lots of energetic shifts and changes and a palpable sense of sorrow as I immerse myself in Remembrance Day with hours of reading and research into WW1 for an editorial piece I've been writing.

What I didn't expect to find was not one, but two of my ancestors.

The first, Lance Corporal Henry, was of the Middlesex Regiment. This young man fought and died (1916) at the Battle of the Somme.  Though his body was never found, he is commemorated at the Thiepval Anglo-French Cemetery.

 



My second ancestor is George.  Less is known about him, where he fought or where he died.  He is commemorated at All Saints Church, Southend and Holy Trinity Church, Southchurch. (On the map these churches seem to be 10 minutes apart so I'm assuming 'George' is commemorated in both.)

There is a 'felt' connection to these gentlemen and, even though they may only be distantly related to my family name, I can feel them. The effect is too potent for me to write about but safe to say I am definitely in a shared space of loss.

The poem above was written by John McCrae in 1915 and it is believed that our use of the Poppy as an emblem for the war dead comes from this poem.

Remember my first invitation to share or comment in the content above? 

This is my second. 

I lovingly invite you to share or comment on how you engage with and feel the hidden the effects of war.

It seems fitting to share some numbers with you.  These numbers are from around the world and all relate to this blog and how it is touching others.  

To everyone around the world who is reading this blog I send hugs.  
To everyone who takes time out of their day to share the life of another, I greet you humbly.
To anyone wanting - What do you need?
To anyone needing - How can I help?

Big, loving hugs and thanks to the readers below - I'm humbled and gobsmacked!  These are the latest readership figures.

UK
449
US
89
Russia
46
Sweden
33
France
18
China
9
Ireland
8
Slovenia
6
Canada
5
Netherlands
5
TOTAL 668

Remember my second invitation to share or comment in the content above? 

This is my third. 

Tell me something about you, about where you're from, about what you love..........waiting with baited breath. 

Autumn hugs, hot chocolate and a large Single Malt.  xx

Monday 3 November 2014

Setting Powerful Intentions

When I woke up this morning I couldn't have imagined what an inspiring, loving and beautiful day it would be.  Having recently (and finally) come to the conclusion that I need to write,

...like if I don't, my muscles seize up and my thoughts end up trapping me in my own head;
...like if I don't, I just keep finding crap to do to justify the feelings of abandonment and guilt of so much material hitting my consciousness and me not utilising it to set my joy free;
...like if I don't, I cease to shine, my fire goes out and my breathing becomes shallow;
...like if I don't, I stare aimlessly for hours wondering what the hell I'm doing in my world;
...like if I don't, I WILL wake up at 0400 with a head full of magic I'm too lazy to capture

I know my blocking mechanisms and I know I am a sod for the perfect excuse to avoid greatness. I wonder if any of this registers in your world too - I'd love to share your journey with you.

I am setting new intentions to aid my new journey into true, visceral passion.

When I write I'm alive.  It's as simple as that.

When I bring great spirit to matter (creativity to qwerty) things begin to happen; I write 'stuff' that triggers feedback like "wow Chrissy, I literally felt that" and "you should write, y'know like real writing!".

My creativity breaks its bonds and bursts forth like a popped cork and all I have to do is type bloody fast to capture what is appearing in my mind before it evaporates back into the ether. When I write from a place of passion, it's like turning base metal into Gold.

I CAN'T not do this.

Getting back to my point (and not getting lost in your passion Chrissy) - setting powerful intentions. Yesss.

This morning I asked to be guided to what I needed today in relation to my desire to write and here I'll have to name check two amazing women.  First was Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) who's website answered a very specific question I had asked about publishing last week; thanks Liz you rock.

The second, a lioness called Misty Pittman who writes with sexy passion and so much love I could burst and who (I suspect) writes via the portal of the great prima materia. Both have inspired me and both have brought me into a creative and powerful space as I find my way, feeling more supported, through the myriad opportunities available to me.  Thank you ladies.

My intentions were powerful because I cast them and let them go.  I didn't haul them back in and micro manage them to death through the human state of conditional acceptance; I just trusted that whatever powerful force guides me is absolutely trustworthy and very diligent indeed.

The next amazing surprise of my day came while revamping my blog. I found the 'stats' button (reluctant technophile - I know, oh the parody!) and was stunned to see that my blog has been viewed more than 500 times, in the UK and the USA.  In my world this is way more than I'd ever expected and, from me to you all - Thank You so very much.  You've all made my day and I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Loveliness abounds as I sit in my writing corner, facing my fledgling library and sipping on Merlot.




With Love
Chrissy xx

A Mother's Battle

UK troops hand over Camp Bastion to Afghan forces, ending 13-year campaign

Defence secretary says mistakes were made in Afghanistan, where 453 British soldiers lost their lives fighting the Taliban.

I wrote this poem after I learned of the story of a Mother who fought the MOD for the right to fly into Camp Bastion before the hand over to kneel at the spot where her son lost his life.  She won, despite her deep loss.


Who was with you, my boy
When you drew your last breath
When you closed your eyes
To see no more

Who told you it’s ok
You are loved
You are safe
I’m here now, you can let go

Let go of life
Of hopes, dreams, plans and seeds
All dead now; in a box with your heart
All dead now; in a box with my heart

And what of me
As I rage and scream
The futility of sacrifice
Willingly given
By you, dear heart


What of me?

Monday 29 September 2014

PR Agent!!


“Well, I think I’m in trigger actually." I answer, as I arrive at a CPD practice workshop.  "Other than that, I’m ok and not aware I’m bringing much material to work with.”  The other members of the group help me explore this sudden 'trigger' response and I explain that upon turning into Wiggington Road this morning, a part of me appears to have very much ‘disappeared’.
 
“You see, I used to live here, on this street, as a very young girl and I think a part of me just slipped out to explore (gestures with Left arm) over there somewhere.”  I pat my pockets, delve through my handbag and look down my T-shirt.  “Nope!  She’s definitely not here.  My mini-me is probably playing, wilfully and without permission, under a Chestnut tree, as she always did!”

Because I’d travelled with a friend, I had no idea of the venue address so arriving on that particular street was obviously a bit of a shock. 

“Mini-me’ll be back when she’s re-oriented.” I reassure the group.

My conscious awareness of what some term ‘soul loss’ was palpable; It left me feeling dazed and literally out of body; or a part of me out of body.  It’s like the feeling where you know that even though you are sitting in the right room with the right people at the right time, you just aren’t fully there.

Soul loss is something I became aware of around ‘06/’07 and it made too much sense to reject out of hand because I couldn’t scientifically explain it.  Since then I’ve worked with and explored the whole concept of soul loss, retrieval and re-contracting and come to understand it more deeply BUT, to be fully awake and present in the moment, right at the point that a ‘known’ part of me went walkabout was new.  This was a first because I knew exactly which bit was missing.

So what is soul loss?  It might be easier if I swap ‘soul’ for ‘energy’.

Sudden energy loss can be caused by lots of things; shock, loss, unseen fatigue, fear, denial etc.  It’s like the feeling you’ve been winded and you need a moment to right yourself and regain your balance.  Because you exist in your energy, when it leaks or disappears, a part of you does too.  Each time we interact with another, we exchange energy.  Depending on the structure of our relationship (independent, co-dependent, inter-dependent) we can exchange a little or a lot of our personal energy.  For instance, if we seek the approval of another we give away our energy in exchange for that approval.  If we (knowingly or unknowingly) get involved in the drama of another, making it our drama, we give away our own energy to fuel that insurgence.  This is every day soul/energy loss and something to manage if you are wishing to possess all of yourself.

Was I so aware of this escaping child because of the inner child work I have done these many years?  By consciously re-connecting with and bringing my little self to life, she now walks this life with me.  She is an important aspect of my holistic self and cannot die and fall away like an old scab revealing new skin beneath it, to be admired and approved of by the great and the good. 

This girl is not to be tamed and, in admiration of all she witnessed and endured, I love that she kept her wicked sense of humour which pays no respect to the common boundaries held within what the grownups call ‘best behaviour please’.  I love that she plays with worms, climbs trees (and gets caught by the rozzers!) and prefers to be scruffy and grubby.  She breaks my limiting beliefs as an adult and pushes me further than I might ordinarily go in my ‘old fart’ stance!  She flies in the face of adversity and uses her sharp wit and inventive mind to extricate herself from life’s trip hazards (she also turns and sticks her tongue out as she’s walking away which lacks grace but probably feels good!).  And, I’m the only person she fully, implicitly trusts.

She exists on her own terms and is not here to please others.  She cares not that she bucks the system because she only sees truth.  As the adult, I help her translate that truth from a sticky-out tongue into meaningful words which not only convey her message but land where they might otherwise not have done.  As an aspect of me, I’m her PR Agent!

With Love
29.09.14

Saturday 28 June 2014

Change is Unconditional

Change is unconditional and instigating change means 'being' the change.  The 'if / then' negotiation of life prevails, (if I do this good thing then I will be rewarded) and is largely based upon conditional parenting, religion, politics and the class system.  It values and de-values us according to status, gender and race and if we buy into this value system, we are limited for life.  Once you transcend this system, the rules evaporate and you become the change you seek without all the legacy guilt or unaffordable price tag.

What does this mean and how can it apply in practice?

If we start at the beginning with the parent and we forget all the generations that came before you (although they are extremely important and need to be acknowledged when focus and desire converge), then we start with the simple premise that the parents' subconscious mind played a part in how you were raised; it had to.  

What is the subconscious mind?  Well, definition says "it is the part that notices and remembers when you are not actively trying to do so.  It influences your behaviour even though you do not realise it."  

If we think of the subconscious mind as the bit that stores the standard programs; how to sit on a chair, how to boil an egg, how to go to sleep, it's all the stuff we repeat again and again which has no need to be re-learned. Remember that word, 're-learned'.

Being raised by the subconscious programs of the last generation will make us, to some extent, an echo of our parents and carers.  But what if some of those subconscious programs were negative or limiting and being driven out of fear or hatred; what then?

At this juncture, I would ask, to what extent are those programs running our lives today? 

If your parents were religious for example, how has that impacted your life today?  Do you believe that certain of your behaviours, if not 'holy or pure' will attract the wrath and judgement of some pre-ordained deity?  Another example might be if your parents were educationally driven and it was important to them that you attend university in order to secure this job or that.  Or, what if they were extremely careful with money and never took any chances?  My question is, are any of these things important to you and if they are, how do you know?

These subconscious programs are handed down generation to generation, driven from some sort of social acceptance, religious dictum, exclusion or intolerance, and if we are not fully conscious, we get carried along and unwittingly accept these programs and expectations as being our own.  

How many of us have sailed through our 20's and 30's only to realise our life is not how we saw it playing out?; not actually what we wanted for ourselves? Might this be because we are fulfilling the expectations of the previous generation?  Could we ask the same question of the generation that came before them?... and the one before that maybe?

So, when standing back and looking at this generational programming, can you see or can you identify times when you have sensed any incongruity or dissonance in what you are doing?  Let me put it another way.  

Is the life you are leading true to your core values and beliefs?

I'm going to leave things there.  I sense they need to bubble along on the back burner for a while whilst pondering takes place.

I leave you with my very best wish for exactly what you want.

Hugs
Chrissy x

Friday 30 May 2014

Does Personal Transformation Look Like a Mental Breakdown?

In our society, it probably does but what is wrong with that, if done in a fully supported way? Does it actually take the 'breakdown' of an old pattern to create meaningful change and our own evolution?  Do we have to be defiant (and bloody stubborn) in order to just be who we are?  Are societal values doing everything in their path, with their associated labels and marginalisation, to consistently uphold the suffocation of self? And do we conform to this programming?

Like Marianne Williamson so eloquently says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

If what you are going through right now feels like a breakdown, maybe you approach it in a different way.  Maybe instead of operating through the hard programming of fear and resistance, you raise your glass high, look mediocrity in the face and dare to actually be different; dare to be who you ARE.  Is that what this is all about?

For me it's about being authentic, and here I see a scene from the film MIB (Men in Black) and it's the alien arrivals lounge where being authentic means being different, no matter how 'weird' that might feel or look to another. It's living with, being comfortable with and embracing your most natural self. Ask either of my children and they will both say I fly my freak flag high! 

Probably no one told you how hard being authentic in this world was going to be; how it would physically hurt every fibre of your being as you challenge some deeply held beliefs, examining who they actually belong to. And, as you separate out the layers of contextual material, re-assigning each to its rightful owner, you begin to reveal the real you.  The you that existed at birth, before programming began, before you became someone else's blueprint.

This transformation into non-conforming behaviour can be isolating if you don't build your support network.  Surround yourself with like minded souls who can echo and mirror where you are back to you and who can tell you when you're being a dick! Without good support, this quest journey you've chosen may well feel like a breakdown and not in a good way.

The practice of living authentically isn't abundant (yet) on this planet and for you to get this far in your personal evolution is no mean feat.  Seriously, look in the mirror and lovingly support your decisions so far.  I look around me at the highly gifted, courageous people I get to walk this life with and I'm so grateful that I am not alone. 

Be assured that like attracts like and when our energetic patterns align and intersect, the gravity of intention pulls us all, inexorably, toward one another and back into the connected-ness of 'One'.

Thank you to my great support network - I wouldn't be here without you.

With love
Chrissy x

Saturday 1 March 2014

SPY IN THE SKY  
The Watchkeeper of Salisbury Plain



And they’re selling us unmanned aircrafts
While they enforce the grand redundancy
Of Man

Unfeeling machines to watch over us
Reinforcing separation from heart and soul
So we continue to mock and judge
To live in fear, to ‘cock and pull’

Secure in the illusion
We are safe

We are already safe
Have been safe
Were always safe
In the heart

The heart has no enemy
Only allies
Only comrades
Only family

To love and nurture
To buoy and cajole
To support and encourage
To cry when life sticks a foot out

To sense and feel
What is appropriate
To know what will shatter
A soul into a million pieces

And you are broken, once again
Weakened by the crimes of man
Convinced you ‘did good’
By taking the life of another

Deluded and scrambling
You crawl
In the dirt, searching
For the missing parts

But they’re gone now
You are hollow
A spectre in the dark
Searching for the light

Secure in the illusion

You are safe

Monday 24 February 2014

'Spy in sky' craft flights to begin

I'll be writing about this later but now I have to go do the day job!

A life-size model of Watchkeeper at RAF Waddington, Lincolnshire

http://news.uk.msn.com/uk/spy-in-sky-craft-flights-to-begin

How is this connected to what I do?  In order to self-heal and be fully connected to your core nature, you have to live in the real world and that involves shattering the illusion that you are being 'protected'.

Have a good day x